Experimental frozen confections
I Scream
from the Deep
Small-batch ice cream developed with suspicious precision, ancient branding and a standardized Finnish spoon test.
Keep frozen -18 °C · Do not refreeze after awakening
Consistency is not an opinion.
It is a standard.Current manifestations
Flavours from below
Every formulation is developed as its own batch. The names are questionable. The measurements are not.
Summoning current manifestations…
* Marketing claim not independently verified by geologists or Deep Ones.
Limited manifestations
Seasonal awakenings
The Deep does observe a calendar. Occasionally. These Yog-Hurt's marks emerge for holidays, celebrations and other suspiciously festive alignments.
Seasonal labels are released when the stars, calendar and P-touch Editor are suitably aligned.
0,97 g Labs · Quality Metrics Division
Savonia Hardness Index™
Because “feels a bit hard” is not a measurement.
Standardized spoon testing
The Yog-Hurt's quality program classifies serving hardness by the fate of an approved Finnish Savonia spoon. Production methods are being developed to remove human error, because apparently this is where we are now.
- S0
- Soft scoop — civilized.
- S1
- Firm scoop — slight resistance.
- S2
- Temper 5 min — shows character.
- S3
- Savonia hazard — may require sacrifices.
Measured at -20 °C · Approved cutlery only
0,97 g Labs · Testing & Standards
Quality Metrics
Because subjective observations are merely measurements waiting for an unnecessarily elaborate chart.
Click a chart to inspect the official 0,97 g Labs testing standard at a less irresponsible size.
Research & development
0,97 g Labs
Born from a suspiciously precise pinch of salt, 0,97 g Labs handles formulation, freezer behaviour, hydrocolloid experimentation, packaging absurdity and the ongoing prevention of cutlery damage.
Distribution & sightings
Find Yog-Hurt's near you
Distribution remains limited to selected coastal regions, sunken cities and other places where the stars are right.
Availability may change without warning when the stars cease to be right.